slightly wasted day
so i slept away today. such a huge waste. actually it wasn't though because i really do seem to be sick. sore throat, sneezing, runny nose. it gave me an excuse to practice my french. "bonjour madame, j'ai un mal de gorge. j'ai un rhume" no, i do not want some spray thing that i can spray in my mouth and nose. i want tylenol cold tablets. instead i end up with this therafluish thing which kinda helps. at least it tastes more like sugar than medicine. i managed to choke it down, and then slept for another hour. i'm feeling a little better now, which is good cause i'm moving tomorrow. i know i've written about this before, but it's in my head a lot. i'm really afraid to be living alone. to not have anyone to come home to. i think i'll be talking to myself a lot. i'm thinking of that weekend i stayed in new york all by myself. it was soo lonely. but then i really didnt know ANYONE in the city. here i've already made friends. and they'll be in my neighborhood, or at least close. and i'm getting a cell phone tomorrow, so i should be fine. but it should be fine. i'll be a real grown up finally. it should be interesting. bon nuit.
i wish you were here
nothing like it
c'est tres beau
who'd guess this is an italian restaurant?
i believe in god in sight of notre dame
here's olivia and alejandro, mes amis
the louvre and the pyramid...controversy anyone
hello, eiffel
week one..done
so paris today was warmer than the rest of the week. unfortunately it was raining. c'est la vie. this week has been one of some pretty high highs. one really low day, but i recovered quickly. at this point, though, my only problem is my body is rebelling against something. feeling pretty rundown. not planning on leaving the hotel tomorrow. moving anywhere is stressful. i need a day to relax.
so gonna get corny thoughtful again. this week i've been very very happy. like rocking out in public happy. but this only came the day after i was ready to cry i was so upset. so i'm thinking again that true joy can only come along with some measure of fear/depression/sadness. i'm beginning to think they can only exist simultaneously. but i'll take the bad with the good.
so here's some more stories from paris:
unfortunately i saw a man who had fallen on the subway platform. he was lying on the ground, blood pulling underneath him. but he was awake and talking to two men and the emt's arrived even before my train did. it must have happened right before i came onto the platform. i was very upset by it and almost barfed on the train.
the housing i've found is absolutely amazing. the truth is that anyone who can afford an au pair is incredibly rich. so i'm moving into literally the best neighborhood in paris. it's called st. germain de pres. i live on rue st sulpice. so beautiful. my room is small, but it has a shower, a toilet down the hall, a bed, a hot plate. the boy i'm going to babysit is 9, and i'm only allowed to speak english to him. he likes to read, so i figure we'll get along just fine. the au pair situation is the best. i get a room in exchange for 12 hours of babysitting. and i get 4 weeks of vacation! how amazing is that? i also live close to the friends i've made here, so i'm happy about that. i'm also close to the latin quarter, which is where all the student bars are, so i can party and not worry about having to get home.
another amazing thing: i went to the rodin museum today. i absolutely love rodin. to see an entire museum full of his sculptures was amazing. the thinking man, the gates of hell, the hand of god, the kiss, eternal spring. so much emotion, so much passion, rendered in bronze and marble.
the only frustration right now (besides not speaking french) is the fact that i haven't really met anyone outside the program yet. that was my goal for the night, but we ended up staying in. soon though, i'll be settled and able to go out. then i'll get my mack on.
ok, people are waiting to check their email. today, i love the world.
je ne parle pas francais
so world, i'm here, in paris, mildly fucked. it's been revealed to me in the past few days that i am severely behind on my french. i have at least two years less than most of the people with me. i do not understand people when they talk. it's very frustrating, but i guess i'll just have to work my ass off. i feel as if i should confront my teacher from last semester, but i do not want to cop out and blame other people. i could have worked harder and then i wouldn't be in this situation. fucking a. but oh well. hopefully i can work hard now and make up for it.
things in paris are interesting. walking down the street you hardly ever see people smiling, which disturbs me. even the omnipresent french couple with puppy dog eyes (at each other) don't seem to be happy. thankfully the people i've been hanging out with make me laugh, and i'm very happy to be here.
this is an interesting time because i could be really stressed out, but i'm not. i feel as if everything is ahead of me. i'm even not stressing about my boylessness because i know i haven't even begun to try to meet guys. it's a particularly nice sensation to only have hope and not despair and depression about the situation, as is usualy the case. if i haven't met anyone in about two months, then i'll be depressed. as of right now, everything is good.
some people have gotten a head start and have already found housing. i unfortunately have been very relaxed. but i refused to get stressed about it. because there is no other choice, i will find a job as an au pair. and it will be great. i'm gonna get into the swing of it tomorrow, so hopefully i'll have a placement asap.
here's an anecdote from this weekend:
last night a few of us went to a tiny local bar to get a drink. there was no one there but us. we had a good time, chatting with the bartender. he spoke perfect english and frustrated us because we wanted him to speak french. but he was soo nice and answered all of our questions about everything: cell phones, bars, the difference between marijuana and hash. we were working on our second drinks (this very flavorful light beer), when his boss came back in. he handed her a not that this sketchy looking guy had come in earlier and left. when she read it they started speaking very quickly in french. then he asked to use this girls cell phone to call the police. so they kicked us out of the bar so they could talk to the police. it was interesting. they were very nice about it. gave us free shots before we had to leave. odd situation. odd way to start my social life in paris.
beyond that, things are good. boat trip on the seine. saw notre dame, eiffel tower, louvre, champs elysees. mild headache from probably alcohol and jet lag. mild nerves about finding a place to live. life is good.
on getting my wisdom teeth out
tuesday afternoon i had my three wisdom teeth out. why i only had three to begin with is a mystery, but one i'm probably thankful for. i decided to get my teeth out because this happened to be a pretty convenient time. what a weird way to decide. i'm thinking now i should have waited until they made me. not that the experience has been awful. actually, it hasn't been bad at all. minimal pain, maximum percoset, so everything has been fine.
except for my face.
looking in my mirror now i don't recognize myself at all. i usually have a problem with facial recognition, but right now it's truly disturbing. my left cheek looks like i have had a golfball surgically inserted in my jaw. i look like a cartoon. like the large-chinned evil villian. it's really freaking me out. i have this horrible fear that it's just not gonna go down. that i'm going to look like this forever. i know that's not gonna happen, but if it does, i'm suing. i look like crap. but at least right now i have sleeping pills and percoset to numb the pain of looking in the mirror. one of each i just took, so i should probably stop writing before i start saying things i'll regret in the morning.
