9-5 and parties on boats
so i haven't updated since july 4th. thankfully my life has been on an upswing since then. first, i got a job very quickly. that means i didn't have to go through that stressful two week period with no money when the thought of sending out my resume one more time and not getting a response makes me want to cry. instead i got one interview and one very nice job out of it. this job isn't perfect, but no job is. the hours are too long and too many of the hours have no actual work in them. i also am spending this week in a cubicle by myself, which is making me stir crazy. i work in a tour company, in the office. i mainly handle customer's questions, which i like. i've discovered that i love talking to southerners. not only are their accents wonderful, but they're all so nice. and they're chatterboxes, which fills up the time some. some other things about my job. my company is really small. like since my boss is on vacation i'm the sole inhabitant of the office. our office is in a cubicle complex. it's a floor in a building where they rent out cubicles to other very small companies. which means though i'm in a cube by myself, i'm surrounded by people. and our cubes have doors....wierd (especially since they're plastic, just like my walls at home). my boss is super nice and very laidback, even when i fuck up, which is nice. other than that, this job has reinforced what i have always thought: i was not meant to work in a 9-5 world (especially when it's actually a 9-6:30 one). i really have no other option but to seek a different lifestyle. this gives me renewed energy for my grad school applications (which i haven't started yet).so other than the job change, things in new york are ok. back to normal, which means super busy. there's a lot of confusion in my apartment right now. there are four of us, three bedrooms, and out of control utilities. the extra person might be leaving, sue might be leaving, i'm planning on staying but worried that i'll never be able to get work done there, which will make going back to school much more difficult. i kind of feel like i need a place where i can really shut people out so i can get work done, but i think i would regret moving. besides, it's all too much hassle and i love my apartment. it's just hard to concentrate there. maybe i'll just become a local fixture at verb (a cafe i like). once i get a bike. right now i don't have much time to become a local fixture anywhere except my goddamn desk.
i'm still working on my study guide project, though it's not moving very fast because again, i don't have much time.
my love life is....well...what it always is. a cycle of anticipation, excitement, dissappointment, and depression. i've actually found myself recently saying, "can we talk about something besides relationships?" because i don't want to face my complete inability to find someone to love me. i still desire to be in a relationship in which we can't get enough of each other in every sense of the word. i want a boyfriend and i get upset when i think about how long it has been since i've had one. but right now my sadness is not turning into full blown depression. i guess right now i'm trying not to build things up too much in my mind, and i'm trying to have some patience. though we all know how good i am at that. or maybe i'm just too busy to think about boys too much, which is often what gets me in trouble. i dunno. this is a stupid paragraph and i don't even know if i agree with half of what i just said, but at the moment i wrote the sentence it was true. i guess that's enough.
so here's another really GOOD thing in my life right now:
sue can get me into some really awesome parties. as in the one we went to last night, which rocked my world. it was on these two boats out on the hudson. this one was all beat up and rusted and just totally wicked. it made sue think of moby dick and i just kept picturing some sort of sailor ghosts popping out from behind huge boilers. i don't know what the ghosts might have done? danced to what the dj was spinning? go up to the open bar and grab a sparks? try and hit on the vast amounts of cute hipsters? but anyway, it was a good party except for the fact that i was intimidated by the plethora of fashionstas. i hate the fact that i can't approach people here as i did in paris. but then again, i prob won't meet the man of my fucking dreams at some party where i get pretty wasted. wasted enough to make the cabbie stop on the way home so i could get pizza so i wouldn't be hungover today (it totally worked too!!). wasted enough to be unsure about what i said to people on the IMer last night. and in fact i have noticed again recently how incredibly unattractive drunk people are. no wonder it's hard to meet people at bars. no one is at their best when drunk. and in fact, most people are at thier worst.
i've just realized that at work i drink a lot of diet coke. this has a lot of benefits. one, the actual sipping of the coke distracts me from boredom. 2. the caffeine keeps me awake. 3. i have to pee all the time and teh walk to the bathroom is also a distraction from work and a good time to stretch my legs. the downfall: the people in the cube complex must think i have stomach problems.
so that's my life right now. oh, and i am no longer discouraged about grad school, i must keep my spirits up and i'll be fine.
posted by lindsey @ 9:50 PM
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